Help Ted Get Sued 1

Help Ted Get Sued

My Fellow Americans,

I’ve made my decision: I’m going to be sued. In recent weeks, I’ve expended too much of my time and energy marketing my demo, and it has started to erode the edges of my creative capability. Marketing oneself is an unfortunate necessity for poets who exist outside of establishment circles, wherein marketing is handled by an arm of the publishing regime. To this end, I’ve decided to go the storied route of Ginsberg and get myself sued. By being sued, my marketing duties will be handled by circumstance, and I will be able to concentrate my undivided attention on writing books of poetry, ideally getting sued each time I release one.

I recognize this is going to be a heavy lift, but I am certain the collective imagination can come up with a surefire plan to get me sued; therefore, I am reaching out to you for help. If you have any suggestions for ways to successfully instigate a lawsuit, please comment on this post or tweet @TedHashBerryman. I promise to undertake every serious suggestion that is offered to me, regardless of how risky or detrimental to my career, with the caveat that it must be poetry-related. It will be important to identify the specific type of cowardly, infantile, and humorless individual(s) whose first response will be litigious. With your help, I can develop a strong grassroots base that will help to facilitate the success of this venture. Thank you in advance for your help.

Your friend,


One comment on “Help Ted Get Sued

  1. Reply Fluffy Singler Oct 19,2013 7:00 pm

    I’m thinking something involving Wal-Mart. Sneak a bunch of CDs that have “poems” that are made up solely of expletives or even psuedo-expletives and then, when you have a bunch in several different stores, write in to the papers as an elderly woman who loves poetry and say that Wal-Mart is carrying this obscene CD in all of their local stores. None of it is terribly unique, but it will get Wal-Mart against you, since they are not terribly original either. And this is about marketing, not originality.


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