Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the third annual Ted Hash-Berryman Award For Poetry. This prestigious award is recognized internationally as the most respected and coveted award available in the realm of not only poetry, but literature at large.
The Ted Hash-Berryman Award For Poetry is the award that the Pulitzer Prize writes on its resume and hopes the employer never fact checks. This is the award that the National Book Award copies off of during finals week. This is the award that the Ruth Lilly Award Photoshops its head on the body of to use on it’s dating profile.
Being an election year, the 2016 Ted Hash-Berryman Award For Poetry will have a political bent. Thank you for remembering to #TedTheVoteOrDie.
This year, many thousands of eager poetry fans cast their votes. And although each person and entity on this list is deserving of the accolades that they have been given through this process, only one of them can take home the coveted award and large cash prize.
In the interest of getting some “fresh blood” into the mix, the winners of the previous two Ted Hash-Berryman Awards for Poetry were not allowed to receive this year’s illustrious prize. Fortunately, that made for a very close contest this year.
Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I present to you, chosen via a combination of democratic vote and panel decision, the winner of the 2016 Ted Hash-Berryman Award for Poetry: Congratulations!
(You will be contacted with further information on how to claim your cash prize and trophy.)